Dear Elena,
I meant to write so many times; I do not know why I did not. A letter too late in the hope that you can still hear me. You always did.
Firstly, I want you to know how grateful I am for believing in me. A young man at the time with a dream to set up the first youth-led organisation, I was desperate to find courage. And I found in you the strength I needed to deal with the challenges this crazy idea brought. As the first chair of the then Independent Academic Research Studies (IARS), you were my shield and the leader we all needed. Know that although I left IARS years ago, the charity continues, and they have you to thank.
Secondly, you taught me what truly restorative justice is. 25 years ago, I was buried under piles of academic papers and theories looking at restorative justice as an exotic fruit that can heal the world. It was not until you took me with you to knock on doors in Southwark that I understood what means to be restorative. You showed me how to speak to harmed people, listen to their pain and comfort them. It is in our connections with others and our abilities to help heal that I found restorative justice. Your passion to heal the wounded from hate and discrimination was a true inspiration. Know that this inspiration continues, and I have not stopped working on the frontline at the RJ4All Rotherhithe Community Centre, not far from where we first met in 2000. Yes! It has been 26 years Elena. I am still in touch with Dave from the Southwark Mediation Centre. Remember the first meeting the three of us had? Southwark remembers you Elena; I know. I am still in SE16 and we are building a better neighbourhood with your example.
Thirdly, you showed me how to make my voice heard and how rewarding it is to share power especially when you are in a privileged position by default. Elena, I have fond memories of our first IARS conference together. We only just started the organisation and yet the room was packed with young people who wanted to speak and to be heard. You chaired that event with so much passion only to follow with even more inspiring speeches at the events I organised when I became CEO of Race on the Agenda (ROTA). Do you remember our anniversary in Parliament? You sat next to the powerful and brought us face-to-face with the realities of communities. Know that this is a lesson that I learned well, and I now have a new vehicle through which I challenge power abuses. I set up Restorative Justice for All to do just that … RJ4All! I wish you could meet my team and the young volunteers. They continue the legacy.
Finally, you were one of the very few friends who believed that I can actually have my own family. Yes, we worked together well, but above all you were always there as a friend advising me and guiding me through life. I remember turning 25 and on that day we had a board meeting. You said nothing – I walked in the Board room feeling down only to bring such joy to my life. The room was full of balloons, cakes and love. Your generosity and glamour were just incomparable. Elena, you told me not to give up on my dream to become a dad, and that I deserve better in relationships. Know that I am now a dad to Tommy. He just turned 16 and he would have loved to meet you and tell you how much dad misses you. I am trying to be the best dad I can, Elena. Alas, I am single, but I hope that you are proud I am raising my son on my own. I know loneliness is not something that you weren’t unfamiliar with.
My friend, I am sorry I was not there those last few days. I am sorry I have not been in touch for so long. It is a regret that I will carry with me for ever. I hope that you will forgive me. For what is worth, I have learned not to do this again. To treasure those I love and to tell them how much I miss and love them every time I think of them. And I thought of you so many times, Elena.
The restorative justice movement is poorer without you. I promise you that your work will continue. I will continue it. Until we meet again.
Yours,
Theo
